Karen Coffee arrives to work every day as a member of a department that requires putting others first. As a Human Resources analyst responsible for the district’s substitute teacher inventory, she must ensure that an approved adult is available in classrooms where teachers are absent. Additionally, as with everyone else, she wears many other hats and represents the intersectionality of a person: woman, author, mother, daughter and a myriad of other personas that she carries with her.
One of the gifts she has recently brought forward is her writing. Coffee says she has always been a writer and has hundreds of pages of unpublished poetry. She is also an avid reader. Until now, she never considered publishing her work because she has always been a private person. But her book, She Chose Herself, is an ode to the voices of women who have not been heard—voices she believes the world needs to hear.
“This is a book dedicated to women. I feel like we as women have so much to say and sometimes we’re unheard. This was an outlet for me. I wrote this book so people can hear us,” she said. “But this was something that I thought could fuel women into choosing themselves.”
Coffee says the book was influenced by a deceitful relationship that convinced her to create and protect her own space. She says it has helped her to heal and reflect.
“Sometimes we have a tendency to try to appease people and disregard ourselves. Sometimes we have low self esteem and we seek other things and I didn't want to do that any more. Not that I don't appreciate other people, but there’s a time when you have to think about what's best for you. Choose yourself and stop choosing everybody else,” she says.
The only girl, and the baby of the family, she paid close attention to her Dad and brothers when they were building things and repairing their cars.
Using what she learned from them, Coffee converted her Jeep into a mini-mobile camper that she now uses for quiet getaway trips to write, read, study her Bible, commune with nature, cook, and “do absolutely nothing” in solitude, she says. The Jeep is a character in her book.
“Choosing yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary,” she says.
Know your boundaries, she asserts.
“We have to know what gives us peace… and we have to decide what’s best for us. A lot of us don’t realize that we take on a lot and we cover up a lot.There are so many women out here who are hurting and they just need to hear it and She Chose Herself is the book for that,” says Coffee.
Coffee says that women not only need to hear it but need support.
“A lot of women have trauma in their lives. We reflect around that hurt for so long. People don’t know what other people are going through and I think that’s why there’s so much dysfunction because people don't ask questions. They judge or disregard the other person or say things about others or ask questions or be compassionate. We as women have to stop doing that. We have to be more compassionate for each other,” she says. “We can support one another. We just choose not to.”
Coffee encourages reflection for the readers of her book.
“Hopefully it helps people I know and people I don’t know. I had to learn. It took a long time but the older we get the more we grow. Think about our worth. Do we respect ourselves to say enough is enough? I hope it’s healing for someone,” she says. “If it's hard for you to choose yourself, really sit back and think about what you’re going through. Reflect on that and make your decision.”
She hopes that the book will empower her readers to understand their worth.
“You’re not alone. There are other women out here going through what you’re going through. Stop and think about what you want and what you need, and stop allowing people to have that power.
Coffee’s second book Secrets Beneath The Lies is now available on Amazon where you can also find She Chose Herself.